The Story of Jordan

Note to Readers:
What I’m about to share isn’t just one man’s journey, but a reflection of many men I’ve walked alongside—different names and details, but the same real struggles and miraculous transformations.

From Addiction and Self-Doubt to Love and Freedom: Jordan’s Path of Healing, Wholeness, and True Love

Jordan is a man in his early 30s living in Santa Fe, New Mexico. On the surface, his life looked ideal. He grew up in a white, middle-class family, graduated from college, and built a career as an actor and social media marketing professional. He had his own apartment, was financially independent, and came from loving parents. But behind that picture of stability was a painful reality: Jordan carried deep wounds from childhood and struggled with self-destructive patterns for decades.

Jordan was also adopted, and although his parents loved him deeply, he struggled with feelings of belonging and self-worth. He was raised in a conservative Christian household where spanking was normalized and even described as an act of love—his father would say, 'I do this because I love you.' Jordan quickly learned it was not safe to be himself as a child. Religious dogma was forced upon him, which often confused him, yet he felt he had no choice but to conform.

Later, at a reform school, he was further controlled and betrayed by authority figures, pressured into conforming to something other than who he really was. Over time, he came to understand that whether we are adopted or raised by our biological parents, it is up to each of us to become our own parents and give ourselves what we need.

When his parents divorced at age three, Jordan felt abandoned and unseen. At age 6 Jordan began to self harm—causing nosebleeds, piercing his skin—using pain as a way to get his father’s attention. He was bullied in school and turned to cannabis in middle school to fit in. His twenties spiraled into cycles of addiction: alcohol, tobacco, pornography, video games, and unhealthy food. Although he was financially more successful than most people in their twenties, he was depressed, physically unwell, and desperate for connection and intimate partnership with a woman.

His parents loved him but, preoccupied with their own busy lives, couldn’t give him the guidance he needed. Even if they could, they were ill-equipped to do so because their parents, Jordan's grandparents, were also victims of these same harmful patterns.

Alone, Jordan sought shortcuts to love, investing in superficial strategies like pickup artist programs, fancy clothes, NLP books, and even tried to grow taller (he was short in stature) by purposefully inducing micro-fractures in his legs through high impact jumping.  All of these superficial attempts to garner love only worked against him.

At his breaking point, Jordan finally turned inward. One of my colleagues was friends with Jordan and referred him to me to begin mentorship—and that’s when our work together started.

Over the next three years, we met weekly, addressing his patterns of self-sabotage and addiction. Through inner family systems work, reparenting practices, energy work, and other therapies, Jordan learned to face his shadow, accept himself as enough, and cultivate self-love. Within a year, his addictions loosened their grip—not through willpower, but by discovering inner peace and healthier coping strategies.

As Jordan's inner structure become stronger and clearer, his outer circumstances and relationships also transformed. Previously isolated, he found a new circle of sober, supportive friends who welcomed him into a community of creativity, kindness, and shared joy. With their influence, the toxic lessons he absorbed at the reform school—where cruelty, racism, sexism, self-harm, and harm of others had been normalized—began to unravel. For the first time in more than a decade, Jordan was able to cry again, to feel, and to open himself vulnerably in front of others. At this point, our hard work was really beginning to pay off — we were deep in the process of creating a miracle.

He once shared a story of a time before we started working together of arriving on a three‑hour flight from California to Albuquerque, needing to relieve himself so badly it was painful. Yet when he entered the airport restroom, the presence of others triggered his anxiety and he froze. He pretended to use the stall, then walked out still unrelieved, ashamed and uncomfortable. Only later, once the restroom emptied, was he finally able to let go. It was a deeply degrading and painful experience—one he revealed in our early sessions with immense relief, since he had never told anyone about it. He said that if the only thing our work accomplished was helping him use a public restroom without freezing, it would be worth it. Through shame reduction techniques, visualizations, presencing exercises, and healing the shame of the past, we solved that challenge together. Today, he is free of shy bladder.

By his second year of mentorship, Jordan was dating again. Women saw him as kind, compassionate, and present but lacking in masculine direction and leadership. Together, we worked on building his identity and boundaries so he could show up authentically in relationships rather than losing himself to people-pleasing. After several false starts, he finally leaned into a relationship rooted in friendship first, respect, and mutual growth. Today, he is happily married. His partnership is passionate, deeply intimate, and equal—something he once only dreamed was possible.

Fairly early on, I also began working with Jordan and his wife-to-be Jennifer as a couple. One of their greatest struggles in this new relationship was Jennifer’s deep seated insecurities which blew up in fits of jealousy, blame, and controlling behavior. She had come from past relationships marked by abuse and betrayal, and trusting men did not come easily.

Our sessions together gave them the tools to face these patterns head-on and to address the traumas they both carried, creating a foundation of honesty, trust, and safety that eventually blossomed into meaningful and much desired breakthroughs such as a sexual connection which was neither performative nor goal oriented but deeply intimate, nourishing, and attuned.

Over time, our work shifted from weekly sessions to once every other week and eventually to monthly check-ins, with additional personal sessions as needed.

For Jordan, our meetings were a sanctuary—the one place he could be fully himself, encouraged to share whatever was on his heart without fear of being judged.

Jordan’s story is one of profound transformation: from addiction and despair to love, purpose, and freedom. He is living proof that with guidance, courage, and community, even the deepest wounds can become a source of strength.

His greatest dreams have come to fruition not because of me, although I played a part, but because of his own commitment to growth and his unwavering belief that profound miracles can be created with the right attitude and help.